I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
