you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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