If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
