oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
