oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
