Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
