my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
