Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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