Define "chronic" masturbator.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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