It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
