two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
