Betty ford says i'm here all night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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