You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
