You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
