Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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