How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
