Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
