i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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