i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
