That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We need to rekindle our bromance
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
