I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We are all done wearing pants today
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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