WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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