omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
