ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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