Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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