She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
