someone threw a dead crab at me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
