and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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