You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
