um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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