I got chris browned last night
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize