This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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