I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
