HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're too hungover to prance.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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