Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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