I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
