She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
should my penis look like a turkey
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
