Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im holly from the hills drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
