How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize