lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
