Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
