How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
