I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.