based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus