The maid of honor just puked.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You could cut the tension with my nipples.