I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.