I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.