your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
