all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
