her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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