dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
