Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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