I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
