Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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