Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
