Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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