I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
