3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
