It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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