Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
