her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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