Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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