May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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