I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
